Brrr...it's cold out!

This winter is COLD! This is me about to go see The Menzingers that played in Allentown two weeks ago. It was a very cold evening but they were amazing! What a great show. If you haven't heard of them, they are from Scranton and have a punk rock vibe. I have some cat rescue friends that I went with that are big fans. Okay, so, PfY is on submission and I’m officially in the waiting game now. Don’t worry, I’m working on another book in the meantime and it’s a hilarious rom-com. Now let’s get into another theme for PfY.

Sometimes when you really see someone, and I mean really see who they are as a person—their desires, their motivations, their fears, you create a vulnerability that can be both unnerving and uncomfortable. Your self-concept is exposed—all your dreams, doubts, and fears out in the open. Let me geek out for just a sec. The Johari Awareness Model, something I teach in my communication courses, talks about the four different parts of the self—open, hidden, blind, and unknown. It’s self-explanatory in that each of the four parts indicate things that you know about yourself and things that other people know. For example, things you know about yourself, and another does too, are in the open self. Things you know about yourself, and another does not, are in the hidden self. In essence, when you bring a lot of what you keep hidden into the open, you are putting yourself out there.

 There are very few single, middle-aged people who are comfortable truly letting their guard down. Most of the time people are afraid because they’ve tried in the past and gotten hurt. It requires a deep amount of trust, and trust is something that is lacking in so many people nowadays. Specifically, I've seen it in those that have been through any kind of trauma or have had difficult relationships in their past, which, who hasn’t?  

In PfY, trust is a big issue for the male main character (MMC), Everett. Truthfully, it was an issue for Nicole, the female main character (FMC) too, but she has a solid foundation in therapy to work through her issues. In any event, trust is something that most people think comes with feelings of love. If two people love one another, they trust each other, right? Not necessarily. In PfY, Everett and Nicole fall for one another quickly. They have similar ways of caring, sense of humor, and physical chemistry. Talking is easy, and being in each other’s company is effortless. These things create a connection the likes of which they’ve never known before. It’s frightening how well they complement one another. But—

Come on, you knew there would be a but.

 Everett hasn’t had the easiest time when it comes to love in his life. He’s been hurt before. Deeply. Feeling unseen in his childhood, combined with losing the woman he thought was the love of his life, has left him feeling unworthy of love. Making matters worse is that Nicole is starting to see the real him—the sad boy, the broken man from his past, and the healed soul he could be in a future with her. But he’s trusted in the past and it burned him. Can he really trust Nicole?

You’ll have to wait to read the book to find out what happens, but the story isn’t unique. Trusting someone with your heart is SCARY. There’s no other way around it. You must be secure in your own skin, confident in who you are, and open. Nicole has also had terrible heartache in her past, but what sets the two apart is that Nicole has worked through her fears and trust issues in therapy, Everett has not.

A friend recently made a comment to me about therapy that I thought was funny but also showed me that not enough people take their mental health issues seriously or believe they're 'fine.' I asked him if he saw a therapist. He responded that he didn’t and he was “rawdogging it.” I know, I know. It’s funny. But, also, it’s not enough. Plain and simple. Mental health isn’t something that can be tackled on your own. I do want to write a separate blog post about therapy, but frankly, I don’t know what I would do without it. It’s changed my life.

So if you have trust issues, are struggling with life, feel lonely, angry, or sad, please consider therapy. It can be a game changer, and everyone deserves happiness in their life.

Until next time, be well.